Twerking Isn’t Really Illegal In South Louisiana, But Here Are 12 Things That Should Be
In case you missed it, a pretty terribly written piece of fake journalism circulated today claiming that “twerking” was outlawed in the town of DeQuincy, Louisiana. While the story is obviously not true, it definitely got us thinking about things that actually SHOULD be illegal in DeQuincy, and all parts of South Louisiana.
In reality, it would be pretty tough to make the following list of things “illegal,” it doesn’t stop us from imagining how much better a world – particularly a South Louisiana world – would be if indeed the following were outlawed.
Chances are, if you’re from Cajun Country, you will wholeheartedly agree with this list… or at least have a good laugh. Either way, check out 12 things that SHOULD be illegal in South Louisiana.
Speed Traps On The Atchafalaya Basin Bridge
Truthfully, speeding traps should be outlawed altogether – but in all honesty, it would probably just take things from bad to worse. With that said – is it just us, or is the basin bridge THE WORST when it comes to speed traps? I guess it would be easier to just slow down, but its soooooooo long.
We totally get the productive purpose of roundabouts – but that productivity goes straight out of the window when no one understands how roundabouts actually work. Bring back 4-way stops until we learn how to have nice things.
Whats the point? Seriously? They ruin our front bumpers, and cookouts. They get in our faces and sometimes they even touch our lips (gross!). Would anyone really be upset if these creatures just went away? Didn’t think so.
Dallas Cowboys Fans
Any Dallas Cowboys fan from South Louisiana is either a fan because Dallas was ridiculously good when it was hard to be a Saints fan, or they are just holding on to the past. Either way, it should illegal to be a Cowboys fan in Louisiana – especially if you live south of Alexandria. Most of them would probably rather live in Texas anyway.
While we’re on the topic of the NFL, this dude shouldn’t be allowed to step foot on Louisiana soil. The reasons are pretty self-explanatory. #NeverForget
Sure, it may seem petty to outlaw unseasoned crawfish — but anyone who has ever been subjected to this culinary travesty will agree. It just ain’t right. Pas Bon.
Ordinances Against Go-Cups
It’s one of the great things that makes South Louisiana an awesome place to live, love, laugh and do just about anything else. Put a to-go cup in our hands and our darkest days are instantly brightened. Especially in downtown areas where people frequent the amazing bars in their town. We’re looking at you Joey Durel
Public Restaurants With No Tony Chachere’s At The Table
“Great on everything” isn’t just a suggestion. It’s gospel truth. So every public restaurant should be required by law to have a can of Tony’s on the table, right next to the salt and pepper. Honestly, this law would be way more effective in states outside of Louisiana so let’s just make this a federal law and put this baby to bed.
‘Bulls Balls’ Hanging From Vehicles
We really don’t have any particular reason why this should be outlawed other than we really don’t see any particular reason why anyone would want a set of bull’s testicles hanging in the faces of the general public. Stop lights are aggravating enough by themselves.
Work On Lundi Gras / Ash Wednesday
In addition to fact that we know so many people who have actually QUIT their job for not being allowed to have off for Mardi Gras, these may be the two least productive days of the year for any business. Close the doors, grab some King Cake and a cold drink, and we’ll worry about work on Thursday.
‘Faking’ A Cajun Accent
Unless you were born with it, grew up with it, and still have it – it’s not funny. Period.
Scheduling Any Life Event During A Saints / Cajuns / Tigers Football Game
If you’ve ever been obligated to attend a wedding, birthday party or any other life event during a Saints, Tigers or Cajuns game; you already know that it’s damn near impossible to pretend to be interested in what’s going on and not check your phone every 2 minutes for updates on the game. This law would make sure no one would be subjected to that type of excruciating situation ever again.
Other than King Cakes without babies, unnecessary pluralization, and humidity – that’s about all we’ve got. If you agree with our list and/or it made you laugh, press those blue buttons below and share it with someone who will also get a kick out of it.