An Interview With The SEC

Kentucky: Yes, its tough sometimes being a member of the best conference in the country, but we are proud to compete and proud to be a part of the family.

Vandy: Yes, we do it different down here in the SEC. Sometimes though, it seems like the other guys may take things a bit too seriously.

Kentucky: Uhm...what do you mean?

Vandy: The huge stadiums, the big money, the angry fans...I mean its just football, right?

Kentucky: Just football? See, I told them you were going to do this. Lose a couple of games and all of a sudden you are lumped in with Vandy. Unbelievable.

Vandy: Hey man! We here at Vandy are very proud of our athletic legacy.

Kentucky: Jay Cutler is not an athletic legacy. The only reason you are here is to bring up the conference GPA so that the big boys don't have to do their homework.

Vandy: How rude! Interview over. I don't have to take this from you.

Kentucky: Whatever. I'm done. When's basketball season?

MSU: Football in the south is a whole different animal. We have a passion for the game that no one else in the country can match.

Ole Miss: Yes, the traditions we have here in Oxford are very special. From the Walk of Champions, to the grove, Saturdays in the SEC are just different.

MSU: Wait, nobody told me HE was going to be here.

Ole Miss: Are you really going to do this? I can't go anywhere with you!

MSU: I'm sorry, who are you again? Cause unless there are a few Manning children I don't know about, your school is pretty much irrelevant.

Ole Miss: Hey, at least we are good enough to get the Mannings.

MSU: You didn't get the good one.

Ole Miss: Alright, that's it. You want a piece of me Bulldog?

MSU: Bring it on, rich boy.

Tennessee: Yes, its true, we really are one big happy family.

Georgia: We pack the house every Saturday and play a different brand of football down here.

South Carolina: I'm not going to do this. Why am I in the middle of the pack?

Tennessee: Seriously Gamecocks? Yes, you guys ALMOST beat somebody good every year. Congratulations.

Georgia: Yes, if anything I am the one that doesn't deserve to be here. I'm in the SEC Championship virtually every year.

South Carolina: And how many of those championships have you won? Face it, you guys are the Washington Generals the SEC Championship game. You're just there to make the other guys look good.

Georgia: Whatever. At least we can agree that Tennessee sucks.

South Carolina: Agreed.

Tennessee: Do not go there! You both know its a rebuilding period for us, and I don't have to take this from you guys. When does women's basketball start?

Arkansas: Yes, we are all just one big happy family.

Auburn: Absolutely, when other schools play SEC schools, we always support our conference compatriots. I have to ask though, why exactly am I in the "Almost Elites"? We did win the National Championship last year.

Arkansas: Uhm, Cam Newton won the National Championship last year. You guys were just the highest bidder.

Auburn: Football is a team game.

Arkansas: And how's that team looking this year?

Auburn: Whatever Arkansas. At least we've won one in the last 20 years.

Arkansas: Whatever you say, Alabama wannabe.

Auburn: You take that back!

Arkansas: Make me.

Auburn: It’s on.

Florida: Yes, the stories are true, from top to bottom we really are just one big happy family.

Alabama: He's right. It does get frustrating sometimes being on top.

LSU: Without our big wins, our championships, and our big bowl earnings, the conference would be nearly as competitive or as highly thought of as it is.

Alabama: We really do a lot for this conference. So what if we have to over-recruit, bail a few players out of jail, violate a few NCAA rules, and find ways around academic suspensions along the way. The other schools are lucky to have us.

Florida: I completely agree.

LSU: Alright, everyone's thinking it, I'm just going to come out and say it. What is Florida still doing here?

Florida: You got a problem with me Corndog? Two national championships in five years. That's what I'm doing here.

Alabama: Yeah, but Coach Urb is gone. I think its time to put down the Gatorade and face reality.

Florida: Its just one bad year. And didn't we win back-to-back college basketball national championships a few years ago?

Alabama and LSU: What’s basketball?