Kim Kardashian released a letter to her fans via her website defending media reports that bash her short lived marriage. Supposedly, it wasn't written by her publicist, but it still reeks of BS if you ask me. I just wonder if Kim and her Klan are the only ones on this planet who are truly convinced that she "made no money" off of her wedding, because no one else is buying it.


Check out Kim's "Message To Her Fans", then check out the hilarious translation by

Now that you've endured that bull****, check out the translation by dListed (Warning, NSFW language)

"This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write, like literally. I mean, you try talking out the words for your assistant to type while sipping on a Midori beverage (sold wherever fine malt liquor is sold) during a first class flight to Australia. It's hard! Sydney, be-yotches!

I am totally reading all the different media reports, even the negatives ones, because I love reading about myself! DUH! First and foremost, I married for love of money and fame. Like a whole lot of money and fame! I can't believe I even have to defend this. I would not have spent so much time on something just for a TV show! I share so much of my life on a reality show, that contemplating whether to even film my wedding was an easy decision to make especially when they started throwing money at me. I love money! It's who I am! A money-grubbing fame whore! We filmed Kourtney giving birth, that big one getting married, break ups, makeups, our best moments and our worst moments. But I don't even know what real moments are anymore. That's what makes us who we are. We suck, we fuck, we take and we open our legs to anybody who shows us that camera! I love fame!

Everyone that knows me knows that I'm a heartless fame whore! I don't have a heart and I farted out my soul a long time ago. I want a family and babies so badly, but only because my mom tells me People Magazine pays like a whole ton of money for stuff like that and the pictures will be everywhere. I believed the money and the fame would force me to stay married to some asshole I don't love, but I just couldn't do it. He's gross! I got caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn't know how to because I'm a brainless dumb fuck and I didn't want E! to cancel that check they wrote me for the sham wedding.

I'm never honest and I don't even know what the word "respect" means, but my publicist said I should use it at least once so there you go. But I do know that I have to follow the cameras and they're not following whatshisname anymore. I never had the intention of doing anything other than making money and getting you stupid bloggers to write post after post about me. I accept zero responsibility for my actions and decisions.

There are also reports that I made millions of dollars off of the wedding. These reports are simply not true. I made TENS of millions of dollars off of the wedding. I'm so grateful to all you suckers who took the time to come to my fake wedding and I'll be donating the money for all of the gifts to the Dram Foundation, because let's face it, I need the tax write-off.

My dad always told me to follow my heart, but since I sold mine to a weird-looking man with horns on his head a long time ago, I am following the next best thing: dollar signs! And those dollar signs are telling me to tell you that during this difficult time, please show your support by wiping away your tears with Kardashian Kleenex sold exclusively at Kardashian Khaos in Las Vegas!"

For what it's worth, dListed's version makes a lot more sense than Kim's version because according to these numbers per The New York Post, Kim and Kris getting hitched helped them to cash in to the tune of $17.9 million

  • $15 million for four-hour, two-part wedding special on E!
  • $2.5 million for exclusive photos with People magazine
  • $300,000 for an exclusive engagement announcement with People
  • $100,000 for exclusive rights to a bridal shower with Britain’s OK! mag
  • $50,000 to have a bachelorette party at Tao in Las Vegas

And that’s not even including the in-kind payments they received, including $400,000 worth of Perrier Jouet Champagne and three $20,000 Vera Wang gowns.

So, you be the judge.