Note to self: if you must counterfeit money, at least dummy-up bills that actually exist.

That’s a memo 53-year-old Michael Anthony Fuller from Lexington, North Carolina apparently missed. Back in November, he walked into a local Walmart, picked up $476 in merchandise, and tried to pay for it with a fake million-dollar bill.

Yes, a million-dollar bill. Otherwise known as the currency of leprechauns  and fictional one-percenters like Uncle Scrooge and Mr. Monopoly.

For the record, a bill of that size has never even existed in the US. While $500, $1,000, $5,000 and $10,000 bills used to be in circulation, they were removed by federal officials in 1969 due to lack of use. These days, the biggest bill around is only worth $100 (and even then, finding a cashier willing to break one is tough).

Fuller has been charged with two felonies, not to mention the less official offense of stupidity. When reached for comment, Dr. Evil from ‘Austin Powers’ placed his pinkie finger by the side of his mouth and relayed the following message:

[via Winston-Salem Journal]