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Reasons Why It Sucks To Be Eli Manning And Why It Doesn’t Suck To Be Tom Brady

(Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

Eli Manning has had a pretty cool life. High school and college football star, number on draft pick, Superbowl winner, and Probowl participant. The problem with his impressive resume is that despite his accomplishments, he always seems to get overshadowed by other events or people. Call it nice guys finish last, call it little brother syndrome, whatever. The fact of the matter is despite all his fame, it sucks to be Eli Manning. Here’s why…

1. 1st Pick

In 2004, Eli Manning became the first pick of the NFL draft. Despite this accomplishment, the talk of the day was not Eli’s play, but rather his immediate trade. Eli was actually drafted by San Diego, but because he refused to play for that organization, he was immediately traded to the Giants. The Chargers then chose Philip Rivers and the rest is history.

Though in the end, it turned out alright, being remembered for a trade rather than being drafted first overall is one reason why it sucks to be Eli Manning.

2. The Song

One of the worst travesties any child can experience is being named after a popular song. Of course, Eli was not spared. You can only imagine the hatred that brewed in young Eli’s heart for Three Dog Night and anyone who recited their iconic chorus “Eli’s coming hide your heart girl” every time he walked into a room.

For having an embarrassing song looming over his head every day of his life, it sucks to be Eli Manning.

3. Charisma

Being an NFL quarterback is not all drop backs and deep passes. Press conferences, interviews, and product endorsements are a big part of the job. Unfortunately for Eli, he is about as charismatic as one of the double stuffed Oreos he enjoys dunking so much. It’s one thing being the shy kid in the back of the class that hates giving speeches, it’s another entirely for that poor shy kid to have to talk to the media pretty much everyday.

For being forced to live out every shy kid’s worst nightmare on a regular basis, it sucks to be Eli Manning.

4. The Play

One of the greatest things a professional athlete can do to solidify himself as an icon in a sport is to have a single play that sums up his entire career. For Adam Vinatieri, it was his game winning kick in the snow. For Joe Montana, it was “the catch”. For Eli, it was his magical escape from the pocket and throw down field to the unlikely David Tyree to help the Giants win their Superbowl.

Unfortunately for Eli, the most iconic part of the play was not his escape, but instead David Tyree’s miraculous catch in which he trapped the ball on his helmet under heavy pressure. Though Eli was a huge part of the play, Tyree is largely considered the hero.

For being overshadowed on the biggest play of his career, it sucks to be Eli Manning.

5. You Know Who

Getty Images/Andy Lyons

 

Last but not least, the biggest reason why it sucks to be Eli Manning, this guy.

If you were lucky/unlucky enough to have an older sibling, you know how hard it is to grow up as “______’s little brother”, and chances are your older brother is not Peyton freaking Manning. I mean, Eli is playing in the Suberbowl this Sunday, and all anyone wants to talk about is his older brother’s future. What does the guy have to do to get some respect?

For having possibly the coolest big brother in the world overshadow everything he’s ever done, it really sucks to be Eli Manning.

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(Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

While it may not be great to be Eli Manning, on the flip side, his opponent Sunday night will be an entirely different story. Tom Brady, the golden boy; part time model, part time multiple Superbowl winning quarterback. Tom has lived the kind of privileged life most of us only dream about. Let’s break down five reasons why it doesn’t suck to be Tom Brady.

1. Follicle Hygiene

For most guys, keeping properly groomed is a tedious part of life. If your hair grows too long, you look ridiculous. If your hair is cut too short, you look ridiculous. You must stay in a small window of length in order to remain socially acceptable. Tom on the other hand knows not this pain. Buzz cut, dates models; lets it grow to his shoulders, appears in GQ. The man is not bound by the confines of follicle hygiene.

Tom’s follicle fortune does not end with the top of his head. He sports a three day beard so often, fashion mags started calling it, “The Tom Brady Beard”, not to insult him, but to encourage other men to try out his look. Must be nice.

2. Cinderella Story

We Americans love a good underdog. From Rudy to the Miracle On Ice, we eat that stuff up. For Tom, his whole life has been one big Cinderella story.

After struggling for playing time his first two years at Michigan, Tom considered a transferring. He famously visited a sports psychologist to help him deal with the stresses and anxieties of life on the sidelines. Tom bounced back though and led his Wolverines to back to back bowl wins.

As a pro, Tom was drafted 199 overall, and enjoyed life on the bench as an unknown backup behind started Drew Bledsoe. Brady got his chance during the 2001 season when Bledsoe went down with injury and never looked back.

3. Model Life

A poll recently hitting the internet claims that women actually prefer cheating on their husbands with Tom’s Superbowl competitor Eli Manning over the golden boy himself. To that we say, really? I think not.

Models and modeling have been a bit of a hobby Tom throughout his illustrious career. When not winning Superbowls, Tom can often be found in the pages of high fashion magazines pitching different classy products. Eli, not so much.

When not winning Superbowls or modeling, Tom has been known to be found arm and arm with some of the most beautiful women in the world. In 2009, Tom made his love for the finer things in life official by marrying Brazilian bombshell and world famous Victoria Secret supermodel Gisele Bunchen, proving once again that it really doesn’t suck to be Tom Brady.

4. Coach Belichick

Quarterbacks are judged by their Superbowl rings, and while many greats have played and never achieved a championship, Tom never has to worry about the players around him not doing their jobs. Tom has Coach Belichick, and for the past decade, Belichick has been ruler of all things football.

Coach Belichick may never win any “nicest guy in the world” awards, but the man wins championships. Having the best coach in the game is one more reason why it doesn’t suck to be Tom Brady.

5. Golden Boy

Aside from the modeling, the endorsements, the beautiful women, and never having to shave, the man can flat out throw the football. A no doubt hall of famer and consummate professional, Tom has the reputation around the league of a fierce competitor and one of the best to ever play the position. Despite his off field activities, Tom’s skills on the field have never been questioned. He’s won just about every award he can possibly win in the sport, and he is about to play in his fifth Superbowl.

For being one of the best quarterbacks on the planet, it really doesn’t suck to be Tom Brady.

Now obviously we are kidding around here and being Eli Manning probably isn’t too bad, but do you think Eli gets the respect he deserves? Why do you think he gets overshadowed?

As for Tom Brady, do you think he’s overrated? Do you agree with the list? Would you rather have Eli on your team?

Click the “Like” button to share this with your friends, and let us know what you think in the comment section at the bottom.

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