The 5 People You’ll Meet At A Big Family Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is a holiday that is meant to be shared by many. Whether you’re sharing the bounty of your blessings with family or with extended family and friends you’re going to meet some characters on Thursday. Here are some of the characters that always show up at our family Thanksgiving meal, see how many of them you have met.
The Kitchen Competitors
One of the most memorable sights I can recall from the Thanksgiving celebrations of my youth was when my Aunt Jean from Texas caught my Aunt Jean from Alabama adding salt to the dish that Texas Aunt Jean was cooking. You don’t mess with another woman’s secret recipe and live. Let’s just say that football isn’t the only competition that will be a featured during the day Thursday. The battle between my aunts was an educational one. It wasn’t until Texas Jean grabbed a handful of ‘Bama Jean’s hair that we all discovered she wore a wig.
The Used – To – Be
This person is usually a male. Generally a male in his late middle age years with a receding hairline, an extending gut line, and extensive ear hair. He will involve himself in every conversation and explain how he ” used-to-be” whatever the topic of conversation was about. You know he was a star athlete, a nurse, a spy, a locksmith, a vagrant, an Ole Miss fan, and a lot of other worthless endeavors. He is harmless and can be a lot of fun if you somehow can work the conversation around to being Bruce Jenner.
The Family Historian Of Embarrassing Information
There is one in every family. The self-appointed keeper of stories we vowed never to speak of will be there. You can bet when the wine starts to flow, they will be speaking. She will enlighten everyone at the gathering that “Bruce is not supposed to be given a sharp object because of his mental condition.” She will also bring up the fact that he used to wet the bed. She will have a captured audience. Half will be listening to see if they will be skewered by a memory and the other half will be listening to hear some juicy family gossip.
The Person Nobody Knows
There is always that one guy. Usually, it is a guy. He is there among all the familiar faces of friends and family. Yet, nobody really knows just who the heck he is. Nobody knows exactly how he got in the house either. He isn’t doing anything wrong. He is just eating and watching football. We are all talking to him like we know him. We don’t. Thank goodness we are drunk.
The Guy Who Wears Football Jersey
He is most likely going to be wearing a Dallas Cowboys Jersey or a Detroit Lions Jersey. Those two teams always have a game on Thanksgiving. It won’t take long to figure out that a place at the grown-up table won’t be necessary for this guy. He will be in front of the television with a tray on his lap and a National Geographic Magazine for a coaster. To ensure social harmony you will need to time the saying of Grace with a commercial break during the game.