The Top 10 People You Don’t Want At Your Super Bowl Party
The Superbowl is nearly upon us, and for millions of Americans that means one thing, Superbowl parties. Soon, living rooms will around the country will be filled up with chicken wings, assorted dips, and football fans. Unfortunately, not every party guest will be appreciated. In the spirit of competition, our expert panel has assembled a list of the worst of the worst. Without further ado, here are the Top 10 People You Don't Want At Your Superbowl Party.
Big Screen Bob
Bob is now the proud owner of a brand new big screen TV, and with his new purchase, he became an expert on all things electronics. Refresh rates, pixels, screen resolution, plasma vs LCD, Bob knows it all. Sit by Bob and you'll learn everything you never wanted to know about TVs as he casually rattles off prices and brand names. Big Screen Bob quote, “You can really tell the difference in HD quality on this play”.
Here for the Party Guy
So what if it's Sunday night and everyone has work in the morning. It's Superbowl Sunday, and this guy is ready to party. You'll recognize here for the party guy when he walks through the door with 24 ounce beers wrapped in brown paper bags in each hand. When the game finally starts, he'll be the guy trying to convince everyone to turn every play into a drinking game. He's loud, he's proud, and he brought a bottle of tequila. The good news is, Here for the Party Guy will probably be passed out by halftime, so you won't have to put up with him too long. Just remember to write the final score on his arm so he'll know who won when he wakes up in the morning. Here for the Party Guy quote, “Shots!!! Who's with me?”
Nothing gets by Captain Obvious. As if calling the game for the visually impaired, Captain Obvious will explain the, well, obvious, as if only his expert eyes can spot whats really going on. Captain Obvious wants to show everyone that he knows the game, unfortunately, his spot on insights become very annoying very fast. Captain Obvious quotes, “They really need to pick up this third down” “Defense wins championships”, and everyone's favorite, “If they don't start scoring points, they are going to lose this game” Captain Obvious knows them all.
The Football Genius
On the opposite end of the spectrum from Captain Obvious, the Football Genius knows just about everything there is to know about every player that's ever played in the league. Ask any question about the game and the football genius will quickly respond with a condescending answer. He loves it, and he's upset that he's forced the watch the game with all these football rookies. You are not on the Football Genius' level, and he's happy to remind you, as much as he can. Football Genius quote, “Uhm, yeah he's injured…”
Mr. I’ve Got Money On the Game
Nobody is paying closer attention than this guy. He's got money on the game and he wants everyone to know it. As the only one in the room with something riding on the outcome, Mr. Money on the Game believes he's entitled to the best seat in the house. Can you turn it up a bit? He can't hear. Can you grab him a beer, he doesn't want to get out of his seat. By putting $100 on the game, he's somehow no longer watching, he's a part of the game, and if he doesn't cheer on his team every play, they will certainly lose. Mr. I've Got Money On the Game quote, “This is sooo fixed”.
The Sketchy Friend of a Friend
The Sketchy Friend of a Friend is easy to spot. He'll be the one sitting off by himself wearing the leather jacket and double dipping in the cheese dip. The Sketchy Friend of a Friend will spend most of the game either outside taking smoke breaks, answering mysterious phone calls, or wondering around the house on his own. He won't talk that much, but everything he says will be annoying. The Sketchy Friend of a Friend quote, “Do you guys have a phone I can use?”
The High School Hero
The High School Hero was an honorable mention all-district defensive end his senior year, and if it wasn't for team politics and his damn knee, he probably would be playing on Sunday's right now. There is no in game situation that the High School Hero isn't ready for with a story from back in his day. He's seen and done it all, and though high school may have been 10 years and 40lbs ago, he's still an athlete and is ready to prove it by going toe to toe with anyone in the room. High School Hero quote, “I'd go back in a heartbeat if I could”.
Condescending Non Football Fan
This is the first game this season the Condescending Non Football Fan will watch. He doesn't burden his life with silly sports. He has more important things going on, and he is more than willing to talk about how interesting his life is with anyone that will listen. To him, every quiet moment is an opportunity to convince the others that not liking football makes him better than everyone else. Condescending Non Football Fan quote, “Racket-ball, now that's a sport”.
You'll recognize Bandwagon Bill immediately as he will be the person at the party wearing the colors of one of the teams in the game. Bandwagon Bill will spend his time convincing those around him that he's always loved “his team”. Bill has spent the last few weeks memorizing the names of all the players on “his team” and developing a far fetched explanation of how and why he's always loved “his team”. Bandwagon Bill quote, “Not in OUR HOUSE.”
The “We couldn’t find a sitter so we brought out kids” Couple
It's the last thing any party host ever wants to hear. “I hope its no big deal, but we couldn't find anyone to take the kids.” “Don't worry, they'll be quiet and out of the way.” “You'll hardly notice them.” Meanwhile, the two syrup covered monsters are crying, fighting, and touching just about every food platter available. Forget the adult party. Forget the food, the beer, and the game, the new mission is to keep these kids from breaking or spilling on anything. The “We couldn't find a sitter so we brought out kids” Couple quote, “Do you mind not using that kind of language in front of the children.