5 Christmas Facts That Will Make Your Season Brighter
The celebration of the secular side of Christmas usually comes down to two types of people. Those that love Christmas all year long and those that tolerate the other group. Still, almost all of us find a reason to lighten up a little during this time of year. Just in case you're having trouble in the Christmas Spirit department, here are five facts that will probably make you smile. Or at least quit worrying about all the shopping you have left and the money you don't.
In 2010 a goat farmer discovered that Mariah Carey's iconic Christmas song, All I Want for Christmas Is You actually increased milk production. In fact, Mariah's music was responsible for a 20% increase in production. So the next time you hear the song just know that somewhere out there is a goat that really needs to be milked.
You know those plastic bowl brushes you have but seldom use that sit right next to your toilet? They sit in a hand brush caddy if you're married. If you're a single guy you'll need to Google a picture because we know you don't have one. Those cheap plastic brushes were the inspiration for the first artificial Christmas Trees. Be sure to share that fact with the family at just the right moment on Christmas Day so you can watch the air deflate out of the room.
You know the song about the partridge, the pear tree, the leaping lords, and all of those swans? If you add up all of the items mentioned in the song the number you get is 364. That means a present for every day of the year except for Christmas Day. Granted this fact is interesting but not interesting enough to make me want to sit through an entire rendition of this mind-numbing Christmas classic. Personally, I'd rather be milked by a goat farmer while listening to Mariah Carey before I'd sit through this song.
I have never intentionally ingested a Christmas Tree. I really don't like to even touch Christmas Trees. I hate getting that sticky sap and tree juice on my hands. Elephants, however, love Christmas Trees. In fact, many trees are donated to zoos across the country for that reason. The trees actually help promote dental health among the pachyderms too. So it's a win-win for anyone who has a tree to get rid of and an elephant that needs a breath mint.
Modern medicine or at least those who fool around with chemicals that humans can ingest have developed what they call the Father Christmas Pill. This pill, when taken before a meal, will interact with the body's own chemistry to create a flatulence that smells like chocolate. That's right you can take this pill and poot out the fragrance of Willie Wonka's place. God, what a time to be alive.