Cassandra Rose is a freelance writer and an avid bibliophile with a B.A. from Rutgers University in English and Medieval Studies. On the rare occasion that real life isn't getting in the way, she spends her free time being snarky under the Twitter handle yrchmonger and contributing to the literary blog Bibliomantics. She currently lives in New Jersey where she was raised on a steady diet of Mel Brooks, British comedies and pop culture.
Cassandra Rose
Katt Williams Says He’s Retiring From Comedy + Cries All About It [VIDEO]
After being arrested in a restaurant for attacking a family with a burning cigarette, harassing customers, throwing rocks and just generally being a nuisance to the city of Seattle, comedian Katt Williams is retiring from comedy.
For all eternity.
Maybe.
Chris Brown Shows How Many Joints Will Fit in His Stupid Piehole at Once [PHOTOS]
Now that he and Rihanna have generously righted all that's wrong with music, Chris Brown is on tour in Amsterdam. And while he's there, he's taking the opportunity to smoke as much weed as humanly possible. Because when in Amsterdam, you do as the Amsterdamians do.
Amsterdamites? Amsterdammers? Whatever. We just call them "the lucky few."
Octomom Inappropriately Stoked About Her AVN Award Nominations
In case you've wiped it from your grey matter, we're here to remind you that Octomom, nee Nadya Suleman, has a solo sex tape.
You're welcome.
And no, we don't bring it up solely to torture you. That little slice of hell is back in the news because it was just nominated for four Adult Video News Awards.
Adam Levine Thinks Honey Boo Boo May Have Been Who the Mayans Were Talking About
Despite being a coach on 'The Voice,' which makes amateur singers perform in a boxing ring while Cee Lo Green shows off his exotic animal collection, Adam Levine has gone on record saying it's actually Honey Boo Boo who carries the weight of society's downfall on her tiny little shoulders.
Damn. First she's blamed for car wrecks when she wasn't even there, and now this happens. Sister can't catch
Getting Thrown Out of a Football Game Is the Butchest Nick Lachey Will Ever Be
OMG you guys, you'll like never guess what happened to Nick Lachey after school today. He totally got kicked out of a San Diego Chargers football game. WHATTA REBEL!
Ahem.
Today in Katt Williams: Bar Fights, Arrests + Slapping Target Employees [VIDEO]
Given all the trouble he's been in lately, pint-sized comedian Katt Williams seems to be on a one-man quest to become the world's newest media sensation.
They say there's no such thing as bad publicity, but dude is really pushing the limits here.
Jackson Family Patriarch Joe Recovering From a ‘Mini-Stroke’
Joe Jackson - father of Janet, LaToya, the late Michael, the rest of the Jackson 5 and who knows who else - suffered a "mini-stroke" on Nov. 29 and is undergoing treatment at a Las Vegas hospital.
Steven Tyler Gives Nicki Minaj an Apology She Doesn’t Deserve [VIDEO]
Steven Tyler took to Canadian television to apologize to upcoming 'American Idol' judge Nicki Minaj for some comments he made that she took as racist even though no one in their right mind would.
Kim Kardashian Hipchecks Justin Bieber to Reclaim ‘Most Searched Person’ Crown
According to a recent report from the search engine Bing, Kim Kardashian has once again been named the "most searched person of the year," retaking her title back from the 2011 champ, Justin Bieber.
But first things first. People actually use Bing?
Mitt Romney, Madonna + More Land on GQ’s List of 2012’s Least Influential People
Barbara Walters may have her generically boring 'Most Fascinating People' list for 2012, but to us, GQ's 'Least Influential People' list is a lot more interesting.
Favorites include failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney, vehicular danger Amanda Bynes, palate destroyer Guy Fieri, the hilariously titled "Whoever Directed John Carter," and perennial Oscar host Billy Crystal.
Congratula
Anna Nicole Smith’s Daughter Is Already a Model. We Fear This Will Not End Well. [PHOTOS]
Dannielynn Birkhead, daughter of the late Anna Nicole Smith, is following in her mother's footsteps -- no, not the ones with a penchant for breast implants, drugs and octogenarians.
Like her mom, young Dannielynn is now a GUESS model.
You Too Can Lose Weight Like Jessica Simpson – If You Have Her Staff At Your Disposal
Jessica Simpson lost 60 pounds post pregnancy, and it's all thanks to Weight Watchers. And her nutritionist. And her personal trainer.
And her dietician, private chef, personal assistant and personal assistant's personal assistant.
But, you know, mostly Weight Watchers.
Nicki Minaj Was Punted From Her Own Party by Bouncers Who Likely Enjoyed Doing It
Nicki Minaj showed up super fashionably late to her own record release party on Tuesday night, only to be told she couldn't enter due to overcrowding.
Kesha Wears Things Made From Her Fans’ Teeth
Kesha officially passed over that imaginary border from fun-crazy into crazy-crazy when she revealed she has a bra, headdress and earring combo made of her fans' teeth.
Cue the 'Psycho' music.
Lindsay Lohan Might Go Back to Jail and Blah Blah Blah No One Cares Anymore
Lindsay Lohan is about to have her probation revoked. Which in layman's terms translates to "bitch done messed up good."
Selena Gomez + Justin Bieber Are Totally Broken Up Except Maybe They Aren’t
After news hit of a breakup between Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, even more news was announced that the Biebs was trying to win her back, that they were sharing a bed and now that they're possibly back together after a very public fight.
Whoever's in charge of updating their respective relationship statuses on Facebook must be exhausted.
Some Poor Girl Just Found Out Michael Lohan Is Her Father [VIDEO]
In "why the hell would you do this to yourself" news, Michael Lohan filmed an episode of some show called 'Trisha Goddard' to discover the paternity of a possible love-child of his from 1995 -- and things did not end well.
For anyone.
Lindsay Lohan Calls Off Her Interview With Barbara Walters
Lindsay Lohan will sadly not be amusing us via a one-on-one interview with ABC's Barbara Walters as planned, because for some reason all the network wants to talk about is how much of a trainwreck LiLo is.
UNPOSSIBLE.
Robert Pattinson + Jimmy Fallon Have a Water Fight Even We Found Adorable [VIDEO]
We admit we tool on Robert Pattinson pretty hard around here sometimes, but it's less about him and more about his taste in women and the annoying movie franchise that is 'Twilight.'
But in his Nov. 8 appearance on 'Late Night With Jimmy Fallon,' he was kind of adorable -- even to us -- when he gamely climbed into a big wooden tub and had a water fight with Fallon.
Oh, Look, Rihanna’s Topless Again [PHOTO]
After a night of partying at your own soiree dressed as a bride of marijuana, what's the etiquette for alerting the internet to the amount of fun and debauchery you had? Why, a topless photo, of course.
At least that would be your top answer if you were Rihanna.