The Definitive Guide To Being A Hater On The Internet

You need a default pic that doesn't match your hater tone.

Consider disguising your identity by using a fake name and picture. Don't be afraid to include your infant children in your profile picture, and if all else fails, an American flag featuring a ballsy bald eagle will never let you down.

Disregard all rules regarding spelling, grammar, and word usage. They're not really necessary.

CAPS LOCK IS THE INTERNET VERSION OF SHOUTING INTO A MEGAPHONE WHILE HAVING A CONVERSATION AND IT'S REALLY NEVER A BAD IDEA. CAPS LOCK MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER.

CAPS LOCK IS LIKE CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.

Hater tone is an essential piece of being a true internet hater. You should always assume you're the only person who's opinion matters, and that all things are made specifically for you.

A big part of hating is to push your own personal agenda on everyone else on the internet. Don't have an agenda? You better get one. A great place to start is whatever bandwagon your teenage relative happens to be on at the moment. Don't be afraid to go off topic. Push that agenda whether it's relevant or not. Your cause is more important than whatever's being discussed anyway.

Know ALL your hater cliches. "Aren't there more important things in the world" and "who cares" are wonderful because they can literally apply to any situation.

Remind people that you're "entitled to your opinion" even if you're proven factually wrong. If accused of being too harsh or insensitive, adding "just saying" to the end of any rant completely excludes you from criticism.

When your hate rant is questioned it's important to back it up with a source. The more non-credible the better here. Also, make sure the platform of your sources are completely biased. Feel free to use chain-mails, forwards, or websites that look like they were designed by high school students. If someone responds with a valid argument, immediately resort to personal attacks.

It's important that you assume you are morally superior to everyone else on the internet. Disregard your own personal flaws and imperfections, and second guess anyone and everyone. Feel free judge others as if you've never made mistakes in your own life. Go ahead and cast that first stone. You've earned it.

In order to make your points sound more intelligent, always claim you've researched the topic whether you actually have or not. If your claims are challenged by someone who obviously has more expertise on the subject than you, claim your life experiences are all the research you need and you don't believe their science mumbo jumbo anyway.

If commenting on an article be sure to only skim the surface without actually reading it. If commenting on a video feel free to skip actually watching it. ALWAYS JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER.

Form hater groups to support your hate. Tag your friends in your hate rants so that they can back you up in your hate battles. When it comes to hate, strength in numbers.