Rihanna Wants Time Off to Make a Baby With Chris Brown, Because That’ll End Well

Since she’s known for making really sound decisions, a new whopper about Rihanna dropped today: She wants to take time off to have a baby. With Chris Brown. This will turn out great!

An insider revealed that the professional hook girl asked her label when the best time for her to take a breather would be, that way she can learn to, you know, Lamaze breathe (hopefully without the sticky icky contaminating her lungs).

“She asked her record company when the best time would be for her to take off, as she wants a baby,” an insider revealed to Closer (quotes via Entertainment Wise).

“They just stared at her. Everyone was pretty open-mouthed. But she hasn’t got any time free in her diary until 2014.”

Dude, we want Rihanna and Chris Brown to go away as much as the next person, but it’d be pretty tragic to make a child suffer for it. Thankfully, someone other than Katy Perry (who has a douchebag of her own to deal with) is trying to talk some sense into the Bajan beauty.

Who is it? Rihanna’s own mom, Monica Braithwaite.

“She called Rihanna to yell at her, asking what she’s doing with her life,” a source said. “They’ve been blowing up over the Chris issue for weeks now. Her mom has told her not to waste any time on Chris and said, ‘Is this the type of man you want as your baby’s dad? He’s acting just like your dad used to.'”

If Rihanna isn’t willing to look out for herself or her unborn, hypothetical offspring, she should at least have some consideration for civilization. The gene pool isn’t going to be able to handle this.